The United States Postal worker 2020 quarantined shirt explosive banging comes again. I sigh. It’s going to be one of those days. With no time to spare I begin brushing my teeth. I dry my spare hand and reach for my cell phone and send a text message to my township police department to let them know what’s going on. I spit, rinse, wrap myself with a towel about my waist and walk down the stairs to the front door where I find a very agitated policeman. I wave to him through the front door window and tell him to wait a moment, I will be right with him. Ding-dong, a reply message. It’s the desk sergeant. A neighbor has complained about my extensive llama collection eating up her vegetable garden. Damn. I knew I should have gone with pumas.
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The United States Postal worker 2020 quarantined shirt banging continues. I fix a bowl of cereal (no time for omelets du frommage, the gendarmes are waiting to see me). I dress up in an electrician’s uniform I had from some halloween past and exit through the back door, circumnavigate my abode and walk up behind the policeman still glowering through the door and scowling through his enormous mustache. I push him aside and begin knocking myself. I take off at top speed the cop assuredly right behind me. I dive to the ground covering my head and cry in terrified panic. I slowly gather my wits, “That was close! Did you see that? I’d better go adjust it. You stay here and if I don’t come back in an hour keep your head down and low crawl that way. Make sure to keep the neighbors away oh god it’ll be just fried llama from here to New York.”